tarja_mo

God save us and everyone 
Will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns
for the sins of our hands.
the sins of our tongues. 
the sins of our fathers
the sins of our youngs.

These are the lyrics to Linkin Park's song; the Requiem. And these are the type of lyrics that I really hate. Because they get me thinking about things that I'm not supposed to think of. 

Religion for me is probably the most sensitive subject of all, because living in a society like mine, it IS everything for us. Religion is what defines your existence. 
Such thought have always proved dumb to me until recently.

I have been going through a lot of ups and downs with my mood and my emotions lately (the best part of no one reading this is that I can actually be doing what I really want to do and talk about gay shit). I have went through relationships that were not supposed to happen and I was played with, just like I played with them. 

Something isn't right. And I feel that I am not okay at all. I've changed. This is not the one that was before. Something that wasn't supposed to happen has happened. And something that wasn't supposed to break was broken. 
The heart of stone turned out to be a mere cavity in the great earth that holds us all. And I'm a part of it. I am the cavity. 

What is this change? Am I better or worse? I'm lost that's for sure.

I have so many friends but none to talk to at the same time. What have I condemned myself to? and what am I to not feel any regret? Why am I happier now than ever? Will I burn for my sins? or will these sins save me from becoming a nothing. 

No more questions being answered. And no more people to pity me. Only I and the Mirror.

Mirrors and smoke.

The project of Symphonies Of Agony. 

Where did it go?! 

Either way it's never over. and it must begin again. The unborn child must be delivered when its time is right. and this time I'll do my best to make it the right time. 

He held my hand and touched my fingers. Alone i was in there with nothing but his hand and the damned touch of his fingers. My soul was crying out for help, my head drowned in thoughts of everything, yet my heart sunk into the deep sleep it normally liked.

Until now, my head manages to follow what it wants and ignore that of which he needs. Cheap shot. i can barely understand what im saying at the moment. how can I understand something as complicated as how i feel?

Work is piling and i'm being buried ... i don't fight. I just fail. Education is a burden to me now. what happened?
The dull flame of desire sparkles harder than anything. i's blinding me. as the warm voice of my feelings and heart cried and coveres the rest of my senses. help me. 
I'm dying in here ... my spirit screams for salvation that only she can get. only she can fight the nails of faith and the darkness of the damned flame.

What have I become? a mere nothing how hurts the ones he actually enjoys just for the satisfaction of loneliness. the pain of loneliness. I'm crying in here. All Alone. 

Life drops. Off of my chin. like the water on the leaves. and i do nothing but stare at my reflection. realized it's existence. and talk about another thing. Something distant. 

their hearts ... 
don't i realize that they are just like me? and specially the one that i'm bound to. My soul's lost part lies in him. he doesn't understand me because i don't understand him. And he will attack me like I attacked him. 

This sweet love is gone and dead. This is all over. And I'm back to this life of loneliness. 
Loneliness & words ...
words that no one reads. 

Yours; 
Muhsen

Nothing ...
Just nothing ... 

It's the season of which death touches everything ... 
that's the only thing that I might like about it ... 

Other wise it represents something warm and cozy for others ... It lost it's meaning with me ...

Meaw ...